Self-Esteem Building vs. Coddling

As parents and teachers, we want our children and students to be confident in themselves. At what point, however, are we coddling our children instead helping to foster their self-esteem?

Most people can agree that we want children to feel good about themselves and that it is important as well. Unfortunately, in our attempts to teach life skills to our children so that they will become confident adults we often achieve the opposite results.

Coddling includes things such as completing tasks for children that they are capable of doing for themselves. For instance, the child that has recently learned how to tie his shoes should be allowed to do so even if it is an inconvenience for the parents. How often do we choose as parents and teachers to do things for ourselves because allowing the child to do so may take longer or will not be completed to our liking? Another way we coddle is by being overprotective. Not allowing children to make mistakes will hurt them in the long run when we are not able to protect them. We need to teach kids how to problem solve and provide them with the skills to survive in the world we live in.

On the other hand, self-esteem can be fostered in several ways. Provide deliberate encouragement that is both accurate and positive. Don’t tell a child that their painting is the best in the world when it is more than likely not. Instead, comment on the beautiful use of color and ask how she chose it. Create an environment where mistakes are considered learning experiences. Teach problem solving and coping skills to deal with poor or uninformed choices. Encourage your child or student to make their own decisions instead of automatically doing things for them.

While it is important to install self-confidence in our children it is just as important not to coddle them which actually often results in lowered self-esteem. Finding the balance, like many things in life, is the key.